“YOU SMELL NICE” | WORKPLACE ETHICS
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Unfortunately, we are rather too quick to take matters up and blow it hot! We are rather too quick to ignore a message someone is trying to communicate and create an entirely different message out of it. This is about a female interviewer who took to twitter to complain on how rude it was for a male job seeker to tell her “you smell nice” after an interview session. Maybe she overreacted by bringing the matter to the social media or maybe she did not. Instead of picking the message contained therein, we are rather making fun of it and heaping insults on this woman. I think I understand this differently.
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First, you must know that communication is complex when it comes to humanity! A single statement will mean different things to different people, there are things a man will understand differently from a woman. For instance, if a man tells another man who isn’t a homosexual “you look hot” I am certain it will be considered inappropriate but a woman would say the same to a woman and it is acceptable, a man would also say the same to a woman he has developed a level of communication with and it sounds appropriate. Permit me to say “what you term compliment” may be an insult to another person and therefore you must carefully understand what applies where and when! You don’t ask me “are you mad?” and I answer you “no!” I might eventually get mad on you if am not on control because “are you mad?” will be interpreted by me as an insult and not a question.
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Do you know it is not everyone you should tell “you look good today?” because it will mean to that person that he or she hasn’t been looking good other days! I don’t want to go deep into this but I want us to understand something very simple here. When you are communicating with the opposite sex, you must keep in mind that you interpret things differently from them and if you haven’t built any informal relationship with that person over time it is best to keep everything at a formal level.
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Certain compliments from the opposite sex can be interpreted as expressions of an attraction gearing towards sex. Especially for the woman, when it has to do with her body, her shape and her smell, whatever you say to her as a man concerning those means something to her. You may communicate informally with someone you have built an informal relationship with but not with your new boss, a stranger or even a client because it will suggest something else! Unless you met her in the club or some very informal places but trust me, in the work place, business meetings and other corporate outings there are compliments especially to the woman that will sound rude and uncomfortable.
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You don’t go for an interview as a man and after the interview you tell the lady interviewing you that she smells good, looks nice or look sexy! For goodness sake, you are meeting her for the first time; she has an upper hand and is more like a boss at that moment! You have to keep things formal and keep your sense of humour to yourself so that you don’t say things they’d get uncomfortable with. Men and women interpret things differently and this is how we are wired! Don’t blame a woman for finding a certain compliment from a certain person faulty. You don’t know what she has experienced over time; you don’t know who else has given her that kind of compliment! You may like her shape, keep it to yourself! You may like the smell of her body, keep it to yourself! Maybe, when you eventually build an informal relationship with her, you can go ahead and communicate with her in a way you’ve realized she won’t get offended.
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If you must compliment someone, use words that will never be linked to sexual expressions. You may say “I like your watch” that’s fine! Instead of saying “you smell nice” why not say “I like your perfume?” or maybe say “that dress looks awesome on you!” You can even add titles like “Sir/Ma” to make it more formal. It’s not just about the words too! What’s your tonal and facial expression like? Is it suggesting something much deeper than compliments? Is there an indication of flirtation in your voice or facial expressions? In case you don’t know, people pay attention to these things not because they intend to; it is more like a reflex! If you can’t say that to a guy, consider not saying it to a woman you are meeting for the first time too! A female friend of mine once told me how she shouted back at a man who told her “you look sexy!” and she responded in a harsh manner “tell that to your sisters!” But it would mean something different if her husband was to say “you look sexy!”
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Everyone knows that the man’s chemistry is different from that of the woman! It affects the way we interpret things! So for the woman who felt it was rude to be told by the young male job seeker she was meeting for the first time “you smell nice”, it means there was something more she might have seen you didn’t see! Maybe his facial and tonal expressions gave a deeper meaning to what he said, maybe she felt something you all who weren’t there didn’t feel. For putting that up on the social media, the best we would have done was grab the lessons involved!
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When next you meet a woman as a man, it is not every compliment that is appropriate at that moment. People understand things differently, stay on the formal plane until you sense he or she feel at ease with you and wouldn’t mind if you connect with them more personally. You might say “but if it was her crush, she would have responded differently”, it’s simple… You aren’t his or her crush!
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God bless you!
I am George O.N
The Man-In-God
#GracefulGeorge
